Crank Emails

As a member of a recognised Astronomy department I occasionally get emails directly from cranks, I'm not sure what they're after really, presumably they just want someone with some modicum of credibility to agree with their theory. One such example hit my inbox today, here is the entire contents of the email.

Attachment contains:

Page 1 Initial Mass Displacements

Page 2 Universal Mass

Page 3 Solar System Plane Distances

Page 4 Galactic Mass



Frank Hatch

P.O. Box 50355

Eugene, Oregon 97405

U.S.A.

I've included his address because he so obviously wants people to get in touch regarding his theory, so go ahead knock yourselves out, be polite though, he's probably nuts. He lives in Oregon and thinks about the Bible and the end of the world, which probably means he lives in the middle of a forest in a bunker packed with automatic weapons, worrying about the UN invading.

What goes through my mind when reading an email like that one above is something along these lines, "hmm new mail", "the words look like their scientific but they don't seem to mean anything when put together", "hmm", "do any professional scientists send unsolicited emails extolling their new theories?", "Er no", "CRANK ALERT, CRANK ALERT, CODE RED, CODE RED".

When you read the attached pdf (which can be found here) you'll see it contains some of the most incomprehensible numerology you will ever come across, something about this being a FINAL WARNING that the Earth/Hell is about to fall into null space, whatever the hell that is. It is mixed liberally with the usual quotes from the Bible, making it seem even more ridiculous. Oh and this is the second final warning I have got from Frank Hatch, I think traditionally this one is meant to have red paper or something. Next time I guess he'll send the bailiffs round.

Note: Its not all bad, Jim2 regards receiving his copy of this, his first crank email as something of a rite of passage for a young astronomer. Well done Jim2, today you are a man.